I AM SORRY, MOM, I CAN ' T FIGHT ANY MORE !!

This was the poem which I read sometime back on the struggle of Damini- the braveheart, Nirbhay but actually a young girl named Jyoti from Balia village, who was studying in Delhi despite all odds to move ahead in life. It brought tears to my eyes, when I read it. Sharing with you in original English, though moderated and corrected at certain places.

It is not a poem but her inner feelings when she was fighting for her life. May God bless her soul.



I AM SORRY, MOM, I CAN ' T FIGHT ANY MORE !!

I still remember,
Mom when once you and dad
Asked me what I need to do in my life.
I replied I will reduce the pain of others,
By becoming physiotherapist so that
I can try my level best to reduce the pain of others
But today I am not able to resist my own pain.
Doctors are slashing my body parts for the fifth time
Like they were never the parts of my body… it is paining a lot, Mom.

I am not able to breathe properly and they attached an oxygen cap.
Please tell the doctors not to give me the anesthesia, Mom.

I am scared.
I don’t want to close my eyes.
If I close my eyes it takes me to that
Scary phase of my life where I was being cut into pieces.

I was just a bunch of flesh which was
Continuously chopped by those animals.
Those faces were very scary, Mom
They were like those hungry animals
Who were biting at every part of my body.

I don’t have the courage to look at myself in the mirror.
Mom, please break all the mirrors near me.

Please take me to the bath. I want to bathe.
I want to sit under the shower for years,
Mom, so that I can wash the inhuman touch
Which made me hate my own body.
I tried to go towards bathroom but
My stomach pain didn’t allow me to move myself.

I can’t raise my head to see you standing outside the door.
When someone enters in my room I feel very scared, Mom.
My heartbeats gets faster and my eyes search for you.
Please be around me. I don’t want to be alone.

Mom these medical instrument beeps are haunting my brain.
They sound like those traffic sounds
Which muted my cry and pleads what I was doing at that time, Mom.

The silence of this room reminds me of the silence
When I was thrown on the deserted road.
I don’t know what happened but I was feeling very cold
the same way like a person shivering with very high temperature.

Mom, do you remember once when Dad slapped me in childhood,
How much you fought with him
Until dad brought my favorite sweet…
Where is he now Mom?? I can’t see him...
Is he okay mom ???
Please don’t let him cry, Mom.

Do you remember once how Dad got angry with you
When you used to shout at me for anything?

Those animals have beaten me and my friend with metal rod.
It was paining a lot, Mom.
I saw how he was bleeding to save me but they were cowards.
They kept on beating him till he collapsed and then
They scratched every part of my body repeatedly, mom.

You always taught me to fight with difficult situations
But I am very weak in this situation.
Please hold my hand, mom, I want to sleep,
Mom, please put my head in your lap.

Please wash my body.
Give me some pain killers, my stomach is paining.

Please tell the doctor not to cut more parts of my body
Its paining a lot. It is killing me every moment
I am sorry, Mom, I can’t fight any more..!!!